Exams are coming soon...Lots of readings to do...But here i am writing...hee well i'm resting now alright...
Anyway, i was reading Glamour and i came across an article "How to make any MAN fall (and stay) in love with YOU" by Leah Hardy (some expert on relationship i think). I was laughing my head off at some of her suggestions and nearly puke at some. Well here's what she said and what i think...
Some Scientific Facts from the article:
- 'It takes as little as 30 seconds for a man to fall in love.'
Hmm how did they measure that? If they measure it by heart rate, then its a lil dubious. Haha. We know that when we get aroused, our heart rate will definitely increase. 'Arousal has generally been conceived of as a drive state or a non-specific energiser of behaviour, something that describes the intensity of an experience but not it's quality (Duffy, 1962; Mandler, 1992). ' Notice the last part which says 'describes the intensity of an experience but not it's quality. If they really did measure it by heart rate, then an increase in heart rate does not equate to love. its just the intensity of the experience in that 30 seconds, and it does not say anything about the quality, which i would refer to love or deep feelings for the female counterpart. Because even if the intensity is high, the quality might not be positive or 'correct'. What i meant here is this: if a man can get aroused within 30 seconds, then he's either really deprived of women and sex or just mentally ill. Similarly, if the scientists really used heart rate as measurement, then isn't it wrong to attribute the increased heart rate, therefore arousal, to falling in love? I don't think the statement is true, i think its mere attraction. If anything, the statement just show how simple-minded or 'hot-blooded' the male species is. See a woman, and falls in love immediately...with her gigantic breasts or wat? haha...You need to make the leap from attraction to love...
'And if you don't believe in love at first sight, you're missing a trick. A recent study from the Journal Of Social And Personal Relationship showed that the first few minutes of meeting someone has a huge influence on the course the relationship will ultimately take. Professor Artemio Ramirez, co-author of the study, says: "Earlier research had assumed there was a cumulative effect that happens in the first few days of meeting, which helps determine how a relationship will develop. But we're finding that it all happens much sooner than that - its literally within minutes."'
Well if you tell me that this is what will happen in a job interview, i would agree with you. First impressions count. But if you tell me this will land you a LOVE, then i disagree!! Its an understatement of love. I don't believe in love at first sight. Attraction at first sight, that i believe. Like i mentioned above, love is something deeper and more intense than mere attraction or arousal from the opposite sex. Love is not just an experience between 2 people (opposite sex or not) but its also the quality of the experience, the mutual understanding of 2 people that's beyond a true friendship, and the willingness to sacrifice for each other's sake. Ok do not misunderstand me with the word 'sacrifice'. The 'sacrifice' here does not refer to those cult sacrificial ceremonies. That's weird but i shall not comment about it here. Rather, the 'sacrifice' here meant compromising, living and helping with each other's flaws and compromising on things or issues for the greater benefit for the 2. Utilitarianism comes in for all relationships. Back to the point, you can't develop love at first sight. Love builts up over time. That is why there is no finite measurement of love. You can't say 'Dear, today i love you 1000kg and tomorrow i will increase by another 1000kg'. And its also the reason why romantic writers often say 'My love for you is deeper than the ocean, Higher than the mountains'. What's deeper than the ocean? What's higher than the mountains or the sky or teh universe? Its infinite. Love is infinite, it is built up overtime and can go on increasing and increasing. But of course, this applies to the 'right' one and it takes commitment and effort. All in all, love at first sight? Thumbs down!
- In the article, it also states that ladies should wear red and put on scents of cinnamon and vanilla to increase the chances of man falling in love with you.
Muahaha...Okie, go shopping for red tops, red lipstick and red others. Oh a better way probably would be to dye your hair red. In this way, you can go out everyday with something red on you and in terms of finance, it is cheaper because the cost of dyeing will be spread over more days than buying something red and wearing only once every other day because its so unchic to be seen in the same red top for 7 days a week! Oh and you will probably smell so sweet that people who are sensitive to smell might find you revolting and puke at you!! Oh no!! Okay, bottomline don't do it everyday. Well, for those of you who do it only when you are on a man-hunt, tell me if it works. There are many more of such 'tricks' so if you come across any, do tell me! So 'cute'!
- 'To make a man fall in love with you, you need to make him feel like you're very similar people.'
Examples given in the article includes:
- 'To co-react'. So if he's pissed off with his boss, you should act angry too.
- 'To pick up any unusual or specific words that he uses and occasionally drop them in your conversations.' So if he says something is 'unbelievable', echo by saying, 'Yes, totally unbelievable!'
Well according to the 'expert in love', 'using the same phrases that your perfect partner employs within his social circle will earn you a powerful place. He will feel like he has known you forever and can tell you anything and think that you are the one.'
Well what do you think? Doesn't it sound too familiar? Remember, you once complained about that classmate of yours who always 'suck up' to the teacher to earn brownie points? Sigh... how now brown cow? Should you forget about your principles then, and just 'suck up' this time round to this guy COS you are in need of a boyfriend and really (x 1 million) need one to walk down orchard road with him holding your hands or to show off to your single girlfriends? Wait, what if he knows? Hmmm...
- This comes in after the above. The author agrees that the above mentioned actions (wear red and following) will only increase attraction not love. So she brought in another love expert and her trick? To look at that person 75% of the time when he is talking to you. 'The brain knows that the last time someone looked at them that long and often, it meant they were in love, so it thinks, 'Ok, i'm obviously in love with this person, too' and starts to release PEA (phenylethylamine, a rush of hormone that causes the feeling of being in love).
Haha...That's all i have to say to this.
Well having said all these, ther are some things that i agree with the article. It was recommended that during the encounter,
- 'Make sure that the first thing you say is upbeat; positive people are more attractive - both emotionally and physically - than negative ones'
That's true... A positive personality will always get you far. You will live longer too! Having a friendly personality will allow him and encourage him to get closer to you. The positive vibes that you sent out will influence his mood as well as his impression of you. Great first impression counts, remember, thus leading to attraction. From attraction onwards, its up to your characters and depends on whether you 2 are able to commit to each other in a relationship.
Similarities in each other will definitely help in bringing the LOVE in. But remember, do not try to impress by being fake. Be yourself! You are as attractive as you think you are. When you love yourself, its more fun around you. Anyway, in order to love another, you must be able to love yourself first. Often, we ourselves are the most difficult person to handle. So if you can take charge of your life, it shows that you are ready to handle another person. Girls, never put yourself down! Wake up each morning with a smile and look in the mirror and say you're gorgeous!
Well that's my two cents worth...What do you think?